How boring are you?

You Live an Exciting Life

You are anything but a bore. You make sure that life is full of excitement. You have an adventurous spirit, and you don't like to sit still for too long. If you feel like doing something, you don't think about it. You just do it. There's no way you could ever live a boring life. There's too much to do and not enough time.

Is Your Life Boring?

Havoc part 2

Thank you to those that left comments regarding their beliefs on fate and future. Last night while meditating on the meaning of the two phrases my mind centered on a shared point: that justice will out. Regardless of the nature of what confronts us, what challenges us, attacks us, maybe even defeats us, justice will come if we stay true to right ideas and right morals and values.

I don't know that I'm putting forward some idea of 'what goes around comes around,' but rather that justice centers upon not what happens to those that persecute, but how we handle ourselves when faced with injustice. If we remain faithful to our just values and beliefs the persecution we face is in name only and injustice exists only in the corporeal. 

Justice remains with us in mind and spirit if we have the strength to persevere. 

Cry havoc!

'Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war, that these foul deeds might stink above the earth with carrion men groaning for burial.' ~ Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 1. 

I've had this sentence stuck in my craw for some days now and I've been gnawing on it diligently, with tired determination, pondering its stubbornness. 

True, I saw it at first for only a moment as it flashed across my screen, but since it's taken up unpleasant residence in my mind and mouth, bitter and chewy, like so much lemon rind ground to a mealy paste and slathered over my gums.

An irritant of the highest order, second only to George W.B., but its message remains elusive no matter how long my mouth and mind work it over.

It resonated all the more when I read this passage from Acts 20 today:

'I know that after my departure savage wolves will come among you, and they will not spare the flock.'

Some sort of fear, perhaps? Regret? An omen? A portent of darker days? Some sort of hiraedd? I don't know, but wish I did. 

I don't necessarily believe in fate, but rather something closer to wyrd (pronounced 'weird'). It's an old Anglo-Saxon concept that has reflections in the Catholic understanding of time and God. Concepts like wyrd helped create understanding of a linear perspective of time, even though true wyrd is more like a web than a line. 

Think about it like this: If wyrd is like a spider web, there are may parts, and although a fly lands on one small sub sect of the web, its actions vibrate and impact the entire web's existence, telling the spider that dinner has (maybe) arrived. The fly is not doomed, not yet. Certainly, its wyrd is grim (chances are it's a goner) but still, the fate of the spider and the fly depend on how well the insects react, move, interpret sensory data and so on. Wyrd is the web of our lives, the situations we find ourselves in, the choices we have to make, the past influencing us here in the present, and how what we do influences the future.

Wyrd is like one of those Celtic drawings you see of interlaced knots that are really only one strand wound irrevocably round itself. If you imagine your life like one of those drawings, a giant road that you walk on, then whenever we come to a knot in the pattern (a fork in the road, a choice in the present) we have the chance to impact the direction we travel and perhaps even untangle the knot (make straight the path) to ease our travel. So, the next time we come to a similar situation (crossroads in our life) or find ourselves right back where we started, we'll have an easier time figuring out which way to go and perhaps even accepting the outcome of our decisions.

So, wyrd is a concept that means while what will happen to us in the end is known (after all, the web is a predetermined shape), how we get there is of our own making. We can face our situations how we choose, with what values and beliefs and character we possess, and make the best of every opportunity. 

Maybe these messages, from Caesar and Acts, are meditations on how well we confront adversity? One the avenger of the betrayed (Antony spoke the lines), the other with courage enough to leave the flock with the weapons he provided, trusting them to fight off the wolves (Paul was speaking to his disciples for the last time before leaving Asia for Jerusalem)? Maybe it is a meditation on how good must always struggle, or that even those with the best intentions may be led astray?

What are your thoughts?

Persevere

It was a long afternoon yesterday. My boss placed a very tight deadline on me, reacting himself to pressure placed by another. I confess irritation and perhaps a snarky tone of voice, but I did not (fully) lash out. ;)

Still, I toiled here until 8:00 p.m. and then went home to help my wife with our baby. I felt spent, wasted, and frustrated with my day, my performance, and even my state of mind. While miserable then, I am pleased that the sight of my daughter melted that distaste into a puddle of sappy love, cooing, and smooches.

She taught me a simple lesson last night. She said, 'Dad, listen man, you know how it is; if there's something that you know is right, something that you know you've got to do, then you've got to stick with it. Sure it's gonna suck, it's gonna be hard, and it might even just piss off a few people, but what's the point if you can't be proud of persisting when challenged?'  And she said all that with her eyes and a little half smile brought on by a wicked fart. 

I'm glad she said it - I needed to hear it. Perseverance is so hard when mired down in the ick of daily grinds. Her message is the first thing that popped into my head when I read this passage today:

Malachi, 3: 20-21
But for you who fear my name, there will arise 
the sun of justice with its healing rays;
And you will gambol like calves out of the stall
And tread down the wicked;
They will become ashes under the soles of your feet,
on the day I take action, says the Lord of hosts.

Old Testament fire and brimstone aside, I think the message here is really about persevering in  the face of opposition. If we're true to ourselves, true to our loved ones, true to our values, then in the end we will bask in the sun of justice's healing rays. We need live up to only our own measure every day, and if we are people of faith, then perhaps the measure of our God or Goddess as well, but ultimately if we can't sleep at night it's no body's fault but our own.

Return to the now

With my impending lay off on June 30, the transition of the LBC to an entity on the other side of the country, and my now 1 month old baby going through the fussiness of a growth spurt, I am reminded of just how much I need reminding that it is only the 'now' that is most important. 

I am terrible at remaining in the moment during times of stress; my mind works overtime and attempts to calculate the odds of every possible scenario for every task that I must complete, that I'm currently working on, and even those not yet (but maybe!) assigned to me. This kind of thinking serves no real purpose as the situation is rarely ever that imagined and often the opposite! 

Even on days like today, when the college's finance office demands a product, my Director demands a product, and the person who the entire operation is transitioning to demands products all by the end of the day, or no later than tomorrow, I have to remember that the most I can do is a deliberate and determined focus on the now; to do my best work this moment, to turn out work that is complete and of high quality.

Frustrations aside, and there are many regarding who sets priorities, knowing who I actually serve, and the complete ignoring of where my own job responsibilities fall into this transition, clinging to my integrity and turning out the best possible work and maintaining a positive attitude is paramount. 

Ecclesiastes 11: 9-10 is a nice place to start a meditation on this lesson:

Rejoice, O young man, while you are young,
and let your heart be glad in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart, the vision of your eyes;
Yet understand that as regards all this God will bring you to judgment.
Ward off grief from your heart and put away trouble from your presence,
though the dawn of youth is fleeting.

Some might see this passage as a doom and gloom judgment is nigh message, but rather I take it as encouragement to live right now, in the moment, to not lament or worry about that which will come, how it will come, and certainly not to fear that which I don't fully know or understand. Instead, as I put forth my best efforts here in the now, I just have to remember that how I respond in this moment to the stresses and challenges I face will have consequences. 

People may be unfairly criticized, or I may become cynical, surly, and maybe even downright insubordinate, all of which are inappropriate and not consistent with what I believe is good behavior. I want my consequences to be well-intentioned and well-reasoned. 

Rejoice!

new header

So I spent some time in Paint.net today and put together the little header image you see above. I'm not sure if I like it - if it's in its final iteration, that is, but what's bugging me is that I can't for the life of me figure out why that little gray box is up there on the right hand side of the header. That is NOT in my .png file. If anyone has a clue, please let me know. 

Where can I hide?

Stumbled on this passage today in Psalm 139:

'Where can I hide from you spirit?

From your presence, where can I flee?

If I ascend to the heavens, you are there;

if I lie down in Sheol, you are there too.

If I fly with the wings of dawn

and alight beyond the sea

Even there your hand will guide me, 

your right hand hold me fast.

If I say, 'Surely darkness shall hide me

and night shall be my light'-

Darkness is not dark for you, 

and night shines as the day.

Darkness and light are but one.'

~

To me this passage serves as a reminder that whatever my inspiration for a post the reflections I craft are meant to be universal comments on ethics, truth, belief, and the self, not some proselytization. You need not be Christian to receive inspiration from Christian writings, or Muslim to be moved by the Koran, and so, to those that find there way here, please remember that Courage is commentary on life and its choices, not a pulpit for judgment. 

I suppose I'm posting today because of this passage. Inevitably I think about my writings here, I debate picking the keyboard back up, and no matter my excuse I cannot seem to leave this place alone. I've tried. Consistent efforts to bury, disappear, and otherwise let Courage fade away into cyberspace always fail and I keep stewing over my inactivity. So, here I am, unable to hide and writing again. We'll see if I  can keep it up on a regular basis. 

On a personal level, I like how this passage reminds me that I have a responsibility to myself to engage in real, critical, and regular self-reflection. I'm not talking necessarily about existential questioning of the self (though it could be), but about a commitment to improve my character and live my life and ideals with integrity. I know I pretend often enough that I need not do those things, but life is always easier to manage when I do.