The Christmas 2005 Friday Five

I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!

Greetings J-Land! My apologies from being AWOL this week. The rundown is:

- my father and mother refused to acknowledge the past

- my brother does not understand what I am dealing with, and lashed out at me

- the process of dissociating myself from my family began

Wooo! Now if that doesn't get your goat and provide a grand reason for a little silence, i don't know what would!

Before we begin this week's Five, the bonus points from last week were left on the table. The movie I quoted was: Notting Hill

Right, so, onto the Five:

For those who haven't played, or if you're just a stalker and feeling motivated this week, you answer the five following questions in the comments below, or provide a link back to your journal (or wherever you've put your answers). In return, I'll profile the first respondent each week.

Oh, what a marvelous segue! Last week's winner was Amanda of HEY, I'M COUNTRY! I'm not sure why she has to yell her title at us, but it does give you an indication of what you're going to find when you visit her. She's a gifted artist, she has a serious fetish for shoes, and she somehow managed to pull off a family photo without everybody going nuts. She's a loyal Courage reader, and you should become a loyal reader of hers!

Today's questions are from the LiveJournal folks - as always, feel free to submit questions or themes for the Five, and thoughts, quotes, passages, or topics for the Wednesday Reflection (which did not appear this week due to temporary insanity):

1) What word irks you every time you hear someone say it?

I am going to go with "supposed." Anytime that word is used the person saying it is snide, crass, and doubting the legitimacy of something or someone, and frankly, there are nicer ways to go about that sort of thing.

2) What is your favorite word?

My favorite word is voluptuous. I love how it sounds coming off the tongue; there's no doubting what THAT word means when it falls on your ears!

3) What does it mean?

Courtesy of Dictionary.com:

vo·lup·tu·ous    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (v-lpch-s)
adj.

1. Giving, characterized by, or suggesting ample, unrestrained pleasure to the senses: voluptuous sculptural forms; a voluptuous ripe fruit; a full, voluptuous figure.
2. 1. Devoted to or indulging in sensual pleasures.
   2. Directed toward or anticipating sensual pleasure: voluptuous thoughts.
   3. Arising from or contributing to the satisfaction of sensuous or sensual desires. See Synonyms at sensuous.

4) What word do you say far too often?

Absolutely

5) Name three words you think other people overuse:

love, war, fear

~~~

The One Minute Meditation and word of the day are courtesy of MyCatholic.com:

Responsibility
If time were mere gold you could perhaps afford to squander it. But time is life, and you don't know how much you have left.

– St. Josemaria Escriva, Furrow, #963   Auspicious (adjective)
promising good fortune; propitious

The Friday Five

Happy Friday, everyone! Let me tell you, even though I've been deprived of my usual morning green tea, I am as chipper as can be - why? Because it's FRIDAY. It's a day of fun, freedom and relaxation.

I am having a boys only weekend this weekend - how cool is that? You know you love the way this Courage rolls!

Actually, to be honest, Jillian is visiting a good friend of ours to do some Christmas shopping and other girlie things so basically I'll be sitting home alone with the cats. Still, there are worse things, like starvation in the Sudan and testicular cancer (bonus points if you can name the movie!).

Anyway, the Friday Five this week are courtesy of the folks at LiveJournal, as I have had no contributions from readers (again). You're beginning to make me feel unloved, and un-appreciated.

Well, not really, but I'm Catholic, so guilt is required in all posts.

Right. The Friday Five - oh! Sorry, I have to profile last week's first poster! The ever gregarious Tina of BlahBlahBlah. Tina is super. A frequent visitor of Courage, she gives us a quirky and fun insight into her world in a style that makes us all feel happy and valued. I'm serious. Check her out! She's an uncanny ability to put you at ease and make you feel welcome. She also just had a birthday!

Whew, ok, here we go - the Friday Five. For first time players, you can answer these questions in the comments below or in your own journal, then posting a link to them  on Courage. The more people that play, the more journals you see! So, if you're a stalker, come on in, the water's fine!

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1. What is the oldest object in the room with you?

Easy! Lou Gehrig's bat-case. That's right. You heard correctly! My uncle gifted me the container used to transport Lou Gehrig's bats while they were on away games. It's a fabulous piece and as I live, breathe, eat, sleep, and die pinstripes, I'm thrilled to showcase it in my office.

2. What is the newest?

Hrm. I think my newest has to be these Christmas cards that we send to volunteers and donors. And, I have to be honest - they are horribly ugly.

3. What is your favorite object in the room with you?

While I might go with Lou again, I think it's a three-way tie. I have statues of the Blessed Mother and St. Michael the Archangel that hold particular places of affection in my heart, but I also have my tried and trusty paper journal as well. I have to go with all three, though, if I had to save only one from the abyss, it would be the journal. If you're interested, you can see pics of my office in a former post - granted, I've rearranged since then, but its mostly the same.

4. What is the most valuable object?

Sentimentally, my journal, then you have Lou's bat case, but to me it is this fabulous black and white reprint of a 1908 panoramic photograph of my College (and current employer). I love looking at it - it connects me to a place nearly 175 years old and I see that its character is the amalgam of everyone that has ever walked its beautiful grounds.

5. What is the ugliest object?

I would say my zip drive. I hate that thing. I really do - I have no idea, but I just can't stand its presence. I can't get rid of it either as its inventory is with my cpu!

~~

Enjoy!

Forgiveness is the ultimate victory

When I look back at all the nonsense surrounding my parents and this disastrous falling out, the end of our "family" as we have known it to be, I want to be seen as one who forgave.

Scratch that; I want to forgive, regardless of whether my family admits or ignores my attempts.

I have more than enough anger for them, more than enough bitterness to despise them long after they sleep in dirt and mud. I have rage enough to shred the memory of them from my tattered mind and fury enough to burn them out of my ravaged soul.

There are days I would rather boil myself alive and scream in pain then admit or give them any credence or credit.

The truth is, they are my parents, and I must forgive them out of love. All people deserve basic respect and love, and through that love recognition of the mighty crosses they bear.

Everyone carries crosses they feel too much to bear. Our job is to look past our faults and love and forgive anyway.

Ezekiel, 17: 61-63 emphasizes the importance of this:

For thus speaks the Lord God: I will deal with you according to what you have done, you who despised your oath, breaking a covenant. Yet I will remember the covenant I made with you when you were a girl, and I will set up an everlasting covenant with you. Then you shall remember your conduct and be ashamed when I take your sisters, those older and younger than you, and give them to you as daughters, even though I am not bound by my covenant with you. For I will re-establish my covenant with you, that you may know that I am the Lord, that you may remember and be covered with confusion, and that you may be utterly silenced for shame when I pardon you for all you have done, says the Lord God.

I believe the real meaning of forgiveness is in that passage, and we can grasp that essence and make it our own when we look past all that someone has done to us and forgive them anyway. That takes true strength. That takes true mercy. That is true love. And those forgiven may look at us in a stupor of bewilderment and confusion, but they will know that we had grace enough to forgive, and that is a grand reward indeed!

~~

Today's One Minute Meditation and word of the day are from MyCatholic.com

Humility
"I am still a poor creature", you tell me.

But once, when you realised it, you felt very bad about it! Now, without getting used to it or giving in to it, you are starting to make a habit of smiling, and of beginning your fight again with growing joy.

~~  

Mimicry (noun)
imitation, aping  

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Please note that Courage has a map for you to sign! You can also read this journal at its blogger.com home, if you prefer. That site features a feedblitz subscription field, if you prefer to read via that medium.   Also, if you have a quote, or a favorite saying or passage from a book or scholarly text that you wish to share for the Wednesday Reflection, please feel free to email me.  

The Tuesday Two - a bit late

For those unfamiliar, visit Patrick's Weekender for the Tuesday Two. It's a great way to participate in the larger J-Land community!

- Name a song that somehow connects you and another person: a loved one, an ex, or a friend or family member...and describe how it became "your song."

A tough question, Patrick, but I think a good version for me is Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls. It describes how I feel when I share my abuse in a public forum - both difficult to do out of fear and a desperate need to be understood.

The Wednesday Reflection

As our J-Land community has been a little tattered of late, I have decided to start a new Wednesday meme, the Wednesday Reflection. I'll post a text, from some source - a quote, a scripture passage, a passage from a novel, anything that might provoke thought, and you reflect on it in the comments or link back here in your own journal. Sound good?

If you're the first person to respond, I'll highlight your journal the following week.

~~

Today's reflection is from St. John of the Cross:

If you do not learn to deny yourself, you can make no progress in perfection.
– St. John of the Cross

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The purity of this statement is found in its clear argument for selfless love. Only when we are fully purged of all selfish thoughts are we able to move toward perfection. As long as we harness our pride and our fears to the wagon of daily life we will be beasts of burden, but if we can lay all that down, deny ourselves, we can find a new light, one of perfection and peace.

 

Calling out in the darkness

I am sitting in the dark tonight, typing this entry, and wavering back and forth between two very different realities. Anger boils in my heart and vengeance simmers in my veins. The cracking and popping of scalding oil teeters on the edge of my consciousness, ready to burn alive those who approach my walls.

I am fierce and driven, tired and resolved. I have drawn my line and it is not flexible. There is no more compromise. No more sacrifice for those with unquentionable thirst.

I feel as if I am in Psalm, 77: My eyes cannot close in sleep; I am troubled and cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long past I remember. In the night I meditate in my heart; I ponder and my spirit broods: Will the Lord reject us forever, never again show favor? Has God's love ceased forever? Has the promise failed for all ages? Has God forgotten mercy, in anger withheld compassion?

And then, the red mist fades from my eyes and for a second I see clearly what must be done, in all its difficulty. I see that I am not alone, but carried, vindicated, and the recipient of a great promise. I see salvation and new life and the love of so many others, unconditional. I see the words of Psalm, 75: I will break off allt he horns of the wicked, but the horns of the just shall be lifted up.

My case has been made and my argument laid bare. I stand now in truth and light and await my trial, confident in love and faith that what I have done is right. I have begun the process of losing my family.

Slowly they fall away, one by one, unable to confront and accept the truth. And I will stand firm, fast in the love and support of others to live a life of decency and righteousness. Amen for faith in the love of those around you and in God.

~~

Today's one minute meditation and word of the day is from MyCatholic.com:

Crucible
Identify yourself with the Will of God. Then no trouble will be any trouble.

– St. Josemaria Escriva, The Forge, #812

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Word of the Day

Digress (verb)
to wander from the main path or the main topic

 

Stand Fast

There are days when you know that anything is possible and days when you wonder if you'll be able to bend over and tie your shoes.

As many of you know, I have been having more of the latter than the former but something clicked this weekend. I am not alone - I am surrounded by your love and prayers and outstretched arms.

Amazing and moving and proof that with unconditional love any and all things are possible. I am reminded of a passage from 1 Kings, 22: 4b

You and I are as one, and your people and my people, your horses and my horses as well.

It's such a simple statement but I have found that this community is a place where people give themselves fully to those in need. All things that we are, we are together. Every person that reads this journal, leaves a comment, or simply passes through carries a cross. Heavy. Bloody. Familiar. Maybe even grasped tightly out of fear.

But I know that with your love, I can carry my cross because even when I fall, you will help me back to my feet.

St. Boniface says, "Let us stand fast in what is right, and prepare our souls for trial. Let us wait upon God's strengthening aid and say to him: "O Lord, you have been our refuge in all generations."

I know that as a community of faith and strength and belief in one another, as well as in God, that we can stand and wait together, as refuge for one another.

~~

Today's one minute reflection, courtesy of MyCatholic.com:

Fruitfulness
I often feel like crying out to so many men and women in offices and shops, in the world of the media and in the law courts, in schools, on the factory floor, in mines and on farms and telling them that, with the backing of an interior life and by means of the Communion of Saints, they ought to be bringing God into all these different environments, according to that teaching of the Apostle: "Glorify God by making your bodies the shrines of his presence."

– St. Josemaria Escriva, The Forge, #945  

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From Blogthings:    
You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content.
You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything.
A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better.

You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun.
A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours.
You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much.

At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness.
A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily.
You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.
What Temperment Are You?