Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Calling out in the darkness

I am sitting in the dark tonight, typing this entry, and wavering back and forth between two very different realities. Anger boils in my heart and vengeance simmers in my veins. The cracking and popping of scalding oil teeters on the edge of my consciousness, ready to burn alive those who approach my walls.

I am fierce and driven, tired and resolved. I have drawn my line and it is not flexible. There is no more compromise. No more sacrifice for those with unquentionable thirst.

I feel as if I am in Psalm, 77: My eyes cannot close in sleep; I am troubled and cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long past I remember. In the night I meditate in my heart; I ponder and my spirit broods: Will the Lord reject us forever, never again show favor? Has God's love ceased forever? Has the promise failed for all ages? Has God forgotten mercy, in anger withheld compassion?

And then, the red mist fades from my eyes and for a second I see clearly what must be done, in all its difficulty. I see that I am not alone, but carried, vindicated, and the recipient of a great promise. I see salvation and new life and the love of so many others, unconditional. I see the words of Psalm, 75: I will break off allt he horns of the wicked, but the horns of the just shall be lifted up.

My case has been made and my argument laid bare. I stand now in truth and light and await my trial, confident in love and faith that what I have done is right. I have begun the process of losing my family.

Slowly they fall away, one by one, unable to confront and accept the truth. And I will stand firm, fast in the love and support of others to live a life of decency and righteousness. Amen for faith in the love of those around you and in God.


Today's one minute meditation and word of the day is from MyCatholic.com:

Identify yourself with the Will of God. Then no trouble will be any trouble.

– St. Josemaria Escriva, The Forge, #812


Word of the Day

Digress (verb)
to wander from the main path or the main topic