Wednesday, March 7, 2007

To destroy

What woud you say if I told you chose that word very carefully? Writing is, for me, very often (if not all the time) a self-destructive activity. I very clearly understand the concept of deconstruction to better understand something (think of my prior post to you on Pain - it talks about our need to deconstruct pain and accept it), but that's not how I view my writing. My writing destroys myself. It shreds my soul, my mind, my thoughts. It drains me of who I am.
What I didn't write about in that entry was that I am then free to be someone, something, somewhere else. I don't need to understand what comes out of my writing, because I don't write for clarity or understanding - I write to destroy so that I might rebuild. Reflection (something which I love) is best achieved when we stretch beyond the analysis of a problem (it's deconstruction) and truly destroy it in critique and weigh its moral and ethical implications.
Only then, after I've destroyed can I see what havoc or beauty I wrought and then determine how best to move forward in life, as a person, as a soul.
Or are our concepts so tied together - that you deconstruct to understand, and I destroy to see clearer, which then allows me to rebuild in a fashion I choose........