Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A silent reminder

There is an email in my inbox, now near to the bottom, from my mother. I don't know how to answer her message. Before the holidays, when I revealed my post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, etc., to them, the response invalidated my own statements.

While I know their fear and distrust yields this behavior, my mother continues to pressure me.

And so I try to ignore her message. But it sits, seething in my inbox. The sight of her name, all in lower-case, starts to send fear into my heart. What to say next? Why even say anything? Is there a point to it?

I can feel my fear and hurt rising, and then, if I stew long enough, my anger boils over.

I saw this today, in James 1: 19-27:

Know this, my dear brothers and sisters:
everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger
for anger does not accomplish
the righteousness of God.
Therefore, put away all filth and evil excess
and humbly welcome the word that has been planted in you
and is able to save your souls.

I have a choice. I will reply to her within a week, and I will put away my anger and resentment. I will respond with respect, humility, and truth.

I do not need to be manipulated by invisible demons and size 12 arial font.

I wonder how frequently we temper our wills to be better people. I do not think we can do that alone; our will is too weak. We need the help and love of others, and in faith we can find peace and happiness. I say strive for wisdom and patience and walk with others on their journey and we will all benefit!