Sunday, February 12, 2006

An Apology

Dear Friends,

I am sorry. Many readers and friends have long expressed their concern over my health and well-being, and I know many have kept me in their prayers during my unexplained silence. For that I am grateful.

I know that much of my emerging now from a long and trying winter is due not just to their prayers, but also their persistence. In one hand I come with apologies, and in the other I come with thanks.

I have decided to resume posting and an online presence because, most of all, to be loved is to love. So many have reached out to support me and I chose to ignore and resist their kindness and comforts. I have too much pride. I am too selfish, at times.

I will endeavor to be a better friend. I have no excuse for letting my pride separate me from those most supportive of, and worried about, me.  

In hope of offering some recounting of my story these many months, I will say only that I entered a long depression after the New Year. During this time I lost the support of my family, what little number of them attempted to understand my illness. That rejection lays heavy on my heart even  now, and my response up until now consisted of flight and fear. I hid from every setting that reminded me of my struggle - this journal, my faith, my group and even my therapist. The resulting stress on my physical, emotional and mental health has been my own doing, and its significance is my own fault.

I have learned my lesson and apologize sincerely. I hope to make amends to each of you. To those who have left this small space, or those who do not return, I wish I could offer some consolation. I wish you all well.

As for my return, I ask only a favor - if you are willing to have your journal posted in my links, please leave a comment with a link. I will update that list and pare down those that have left during my chosen absence.

It is good to be here.

In faith and sincere apology, I remain, in hope and good will, your friend,