Thursday, August 4, 2005

I am

Last night I felt broken. I prayed that I might find some guidance, I prayed for wisdom. I prayed that I might be shown the right path to take, so that I could deal with my anxiety and depression in a healthy, positive way.

And today, God delivered. A tremendous session and something clicked...I will speak with my behavior, not words. I will set the tone of the relationship by my actions, not my statements. I need not waste words, when action speaks louder than them to begin with.

With that in mind, I read this last night in Isiah 46:

Hear me, O house of Jacob, all who remain of the house of Israel, my burden since your birth, whom I have carried from your infancy. Even to your old age I am the same, even when your hair is gray I will bear you; It is I who have done this, I who will continue, and I who will carry you to safety.

What a powerful message of hope and inspiration! I've read so many journals where people feel lost, hurt, dismayed, and even full of despair, but here, in this passage we see that we are never alone, never cast aside, and always cared for by God. I find three comforting messages in this text:
1. The trials of my life are given to me by God, who carries me.
2. As my life and my trials come to an end at their appointed time, God will continue, and
3. In his continuing, he will finally bring me to safety.

I know some of you that read my journal don't believe in God, and that's OK, because this message is one of hope! The message is so clear - stop trying to manage those difficulties in your life that you cannot control! It is impossible to to have everything in your life to your liking, and we are all guaranteed to suffer! We must realize that to escape the pain of that suffering we must let it go! We must choose not to suffer, and instead, turn to those that walk with us, look at them, admit our weaknesses and difficulties, and ask them to help us carry our burdens.

Only then can we find our way through life! God does this for me, maybe it's your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend for you - but the point is, if we try to carry all our baggage we'll never make the plane! Instead of lifting off we'll be stuck on the ground, collapsed, surrounded by a pile of useless, painful luggage.

Who needs that? We are finite - our problems and sufferings are infinite - they will last until our days on earth are done,and perhaps even longer in the lives of those we touch, but in letting go and relying on others (God?) we can walk with head up and shoulders raised.

And that is a good way to spend any day.

Answer to #7 in the morning :)