Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Story and Reflection

Good morning, everyone. I apologize for having been absent from posting for so long. Let me give you the rundown, in very brief statements:

- the first week of August I was somewhat present, though in and out on vacation days

- the 5, 6, 7, I was on a golfing vacation with some buddies of mine

- the 8, 9, I was sick from heat exhaustion/stroke from being in the sun for 12 hours a day, three straight days (be nice, I'm a pasty white kid)

- I had Wednesday and Friday off that week, and helped a friend move and pack Friday and Saturday

- Sunday, I answered the 200 + emails in my AOL account

- I have been planning for a large event here at the College next Thursday and Friday which has required me to work from 8:30 in the a.m. to 11 p.m. pretty much all week. My prayer life = down. Journaling = down. Comment response = done. Social life = down. It's not been a fun time.

- My parents have made three attempts to contact me in August. Each triggers more depression, anxiety and fear. Thanks, Mom!

At any rate, I'll try to stay on top of this, because it helps me, and I miss my friends in J-land.


I read this in Psalms last night:

Psalms 30: 6
For divine anger lasts but a moment; divine favor lasts a lifetime. At dusk weeping comes for the night; but at dawn there is rejoicing.

After this rough week, the tough last few weeks of being on the road, ill and vacationing - which never seems to relax you as much as returning stresses you - I felt the hours of my day fill with darkness and weeping. I lost prayer, time with friends, and my own patience and focus. I failed to be deliberate and cautious in my decisions. I fell prey to harried mindsets and intolerable snapping. Irritable. Glowering.

But, at dawn there is rejoicing. A friend, a passage, a letter, card, email, a phone message - there is always a dawn in them that can lift the haze of depression long enough for us to find our path again, so that our values are refreshed and remembered, our behaviors aligned with right and wrong, and with that harmony comes true rejoicing.

Maybe that dawn is God for you. It is for me, in the form of friends, family, and the small events of a day that call out, "Here I am, Lord - your servant is listening." Maybe for you that dawn is a moment's reflection at sunrise or sunset, or a glass of Spanish red wine at the end of a long day when the children have been put to bed. Whatever it is, find that dawn, know it, cultivate it, make time for it, appreciate it, and let it rejoice in your soul, for then the darkness is lifted and we find ourselves basking in true happiness.