Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Silent Spaces and Humility

First, a poem:

Silent Spaces

In silent spaces
of cavernous time
my mind explodes
like so many crashing cymbals.

Quick - I lie to my shattered soul
and pretend all is well.
Normal - lies
Quiet - lies
Well - lies

Truth - Screaming, my heart erupts,
emotions seizing in
frantic panic, fueled by
wild-eyed fear and
impending doom, beatings, bitings,
strangulation and humiliation.

Empty - There is nowhere to hide.
Everywhere are her demons,
sucking life from my soul.
Everywhere is nowhere and
nowhere is safe, sound, and quiet.

There is nowhere to rest my tired soul.

Instead - Muscles ache, clenched in
anticipation of inevitable
failure, and my fractured mind,
my rent soul, my tattered emotions
lay desolate in
the great silent spaces of life and mind.


Today's reflection is from Job: 35: 2

Do you think it right to say, "I am just rather than God'?

I know that as readers of this journal we are not all Christians, but in this passage is the essence of selfishness. We look inside ourselves for answers, guidance, direction, justification, reason, rationale, and our desires.


We are always looking inward for answers. Inward is where we go to hide from fear, our own lies, and the deceptions we create to make life tolerable. Inward is the deadly fortress constructed by ego and pride, with mistrust as its mortar.

True happiness, peace and fulfillment come when we trust others to be our guides, not when we only look inward.

Life's burdens are too great for us to carry them alone.  We belong in community, where our diverse strengths combine for the benefit of all. We are imperfect people, and  for us to presume that we can survive alone in a difficult world is to rely on the smoke and mirrors of ignorance and self-promotion. We are better than that and are called to look beyond ourselves to find life in those we meet, know, love, and even dislike.

In them are the tools, emotions, traits, and abilities we need to make it from one day to the next. What is life without community? A vacuum, empty of everything, nomatter what we try and fill it with from inside ourselves.

It is our choice to make - others, or ourselves. Which is the only way to carry a heavy load too much for your muscles?